[Among the usually smell of flowers and plants, there's a faint hint of coffee in the air as well. The coffee maker currently brewing on the desk.] The tirimisu was good. [He abruptly breaks the silence, moving toward the desk.]
[ She visibly lights up when he speaks, and even more so when he gives his honest opinion of her tirimisu. Just the fact that he had actually eaten it pleases her, honestly.
Her tail wags ever so slightly. ]
Good! I'm glad it turned out okay and that you enjoyed it! I've never made ladyfingers before, so I'm glad they held up to the espresso soak.
A clear demonstration of how well practiced you are in baking. [The brewer hiss, signaling the coffee was ready. He gathers a cup for himself, his back to her.]
Thanks! That's very sweet of you to say. [ Shadow doesn't give compliments often, so, a small victory!
...and then he just jumps right into it, wow. It takes a second for her brain to realize what he means, and her cheeks turn a slight red as she processes. ]
What-- wait, why? There's no expectations or anything.
Can I ask why, though? I'm not trying to be annoying, I just genuinely want to know. Is it because of me?
[ It's a valid question. She figured her shit out with Sonic, but Shadow? The only thing she can think of is that she's just too annoying. Granted, she can't make him want something that she wants, or that he feels isn't there, but it would still be nice to know so she can fix herself and be better. ]
No. [He looked mildly confused that she would think it was her. There's the sound of coffee being poured into the cup, cutting through a moment of silence.] It's me.
[ She blinks. Her head tilts. ] You? I don't understand.
[ Granted, she does know Shadow well enough by now to know that he is, in fact, a loner. He's definitely made leaps and bounds since they first met, but. Still. ]
[ She looks thoughtful for a few moments, considering. Would she want to be a mother? Yes. At least, that's what she would have enthusiastically said yes a few years ago, when she was still chasing someone she could never truly catch in the way she wanted. With Sonic, she had a whole future planned out. Marriage, kids, getting old together.
But that silly fantasy is long gone now. So, she actually has to consider that question he's posed. ]
You make me happy. [ She takes a deep breath, because despite years of chasing someone else, it never got this far. But she's also already preparing for rejection regardless. Maybe it's habit. ] So I want to try and make you happy, too.
[ She glances aside and fidgets nervously. One of his plants is suddenly very interesting for a long few moments, before she turns her anxious gaze back on him. ]
...No. I'm not. [He stares at his reflection in his cup before taking a sip. Dark and bitter, the way he likes it.] This happiness you claim is fleeting. Nothing good will come staying with me. Give up on this idea now, for your own sake.
I think you are. [ The familiar sting of rejection hurts, but she was ready for it, at least. She glances aside. ] Why do you think nothing good would come of it?
...It goes without saying, what flows inside me. [The blood of an alien race of conquerors. An artificial construct made of whatever else the professor felt like putting inside to make him. Even he isn't fully sure, what part of his memories and feelings are his, or the professor's own meddling.] I cannot provide a comfortable life, when there are those who want what I possess, or would rather see me terminated. I cannot bare children, put them at risk of being given what I have and suffer a similar fate. [The power has remain dormant since Doom's defeat, but he can't chance it potentially flaring up one day. Especially how his body has been behaving ever since he placed that tattoo on him. He stares absently at a flower the seems to have started to wilt.]
Time might even flow differently for me from everyone else. [Does he age like the others? Or will he have to watch everyone grow old and eventually leave him. He looks in Amy's direction with a harden expression. Resolute in his decision.]
I may look like a hedgehog, but we're not the same. The happiness you're chasing doesn't exist with me. So find someone else who can provide it. [It's pointless to grow attachments for him. Unnecessary, even if he feels differently. It doesn't matter and has no place with him.]
[ He brings up valid points. She knows he leads a dangerous life by no fault of his own. She also recognizes that he is trying to keep her safe in his own way. But Amy wouldn't be Amy if she wasn't stubborn about matters if the heart. ]
I don't want comfortable. If life was meant to be comfortable all the time, it wouldn't be worth living.
[ She shifts again, fiddling a bit with one of her gold bracelets. Not having kids sucks, but it's not a deal breaker for her. Mostly because she understands his concerns: he puts potential offspring before himself and his own wants, even now. It's bittersweet and endearing all at once. ]
I don't need kids. And I don't care about your bloodline, Shadow. You're still you. Hedgehog, Black Arms, it doesn't matter to me because I like you for you.
[ She looks back at him again, her shoulders dropping a little. ]
Hmph. You don't know what you're saying. [He knows she wouldn't flaunt her words, which only pisses him off more with what she says. Like him for who he is? Ridiculous. She only sees what he allows to be seen.]
Are you truly doing this for yourself, or for me? Eitherway, you're wasting your life on me, and I don't have the tolerance for someone who would foolishly do that. [Can she honestly still feel that way a month from now, a year? Why would she willingly limit her options? Why would he do that to her?]
I know exactly what I'm saying. [ Amy's never shied away from this sort of thing, and she's not about to start now. ]
How could I be throwing my life, or anything away, when I genuinely care for you? I know what I want. But if you really don't want the same, I understand. I won't push it further.
[ Because at the end of the day, a relationship takes two. And if he doesn't want to, she can't make him. She learned the hard way what happens when you try to force something. ]
This isn't about what I want. It's what right. [And the right choice, isn't to be with him. The sooner she gets that, the sooner he can crush these feelings and they can move on with their lives. He stares at his cup, having no desire to finish the contents anymore. Probably cold now at this point. Setting it down, he gathers the nearby watering pot and starts his plant maintenance routine.]
You could never burden me! I wish you could see what I see, Shadow. Believe me when I say there is no one else better, or anyone else that I want.
[ She sighs, feeling her ears droop. As much as she wants to grab him and shake him right now, what good would that do? ]
...Are my feelings really one sided? It's fine if they are. I just want to hear it from you.
[ Because honestly? She's still unsure if he is just trying to let her down easily because nothing is there, or if he does legit feel something for her amd he's trying to deny it. ]
...What you see? A fantasy. [How does she not understand there is no future between them? She'll feel differently once she realizes he cannot provide a fulfilling life of happiness. She'll be filled with regret instead. What then...? Even as his insides pulls and weighs him down, wanting to believe her words. A yearning to be seen and acknowledge by another once more.
"I want you to be happy, Shadow."
The sound of water falling stops as he lifts the watering can.] ...And if I said it wasn't, what then? Would you continue to pursue this foolishness? Denying your chances with someone more suitable? Continue to ignore my warnings? [The grip on the watering can tightens.] These feelings, I can't stand them. [Never again, he can't go through all of that again.]
You look pretty real to me. [ How does he not see that he matters to her? That while he may think very little of himself, she sees all of the good in him and beyond? What she sees isn't a fantasy at all. She sees someone she cares deeply for and admires greatly.
Her eyes widen a fraction, though, at what he says next. She's glad he's not looking at her right now, because her breath catches ever so slightly in her throat as her brain works to process his words. ]
There is no one more suitable for me than you. [ Her voice os both gentle yet firm, and somehow she manages to keep ot even and steady, even as she feels her pulse quickening, heart slamming into her rib cage. ] Feelings aren't a bad thing... they don't make you weak or any less, I promise. And I'd never take them for granted, I can assure you.
Enough! Stop thinking I'm the one! [The water sloshes about as he slams the watering can onto the desk. The metal folding into itself from the force behind it.]
I'm not and never will be, not to you or to anyone! [He is the Ultimate Lifeform, beyond anyone's capabilities and understanding. Who couldn't even do the one thing he was created to do, cure one little girl. Incompatible. Failure. A fist slams on the desk.]
These feelings are nothing more than a nuisance I want gone. Why can't you understand that? [Attachments are unnecessary trouble he doesn't need. People can be managed when he can keep them at an arm's length. This?]
[ The noise makes the pink hedgehog jump, and she winces a little. He might be frustrated, but he hasn't kicked her out yet. She's fully expecting that soon enough, though. ]
So instead of leaning into them, you just want them to magically go away? [ She rubs her temples for a second. Somehow, this is almost way worse than unrequited feelings. Having someone you like admitting they also have feelings but don't care to indulge in them is mind boggling, but also... very Shadow-like. She sighs. ]
I can't understand that because I want the exact opposite of what you want. [ She takes a breath, and then shakes her head. ] But it doesn't matter what I want. If you want to ignore your feelings, as much as I don't understand it... I can't stop you.
[ And thay sucks because she wants to grab him and shake him until he understands. If only it were that easy. ]
Then you don't know me as well as you thought. [Foolish. Letting her feelings speak for her than thinking rationally. His fist clenches. He's almost there, almost convinced her to end this pointless chase.]
I will crush these feelings, so you can move on. [So she can stop inisting he's the only one for her, because she deserves better, because she matters to him.]
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It wasn't soggy, light and creamy as it should.
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Her tail wags ever so slightly. ]
Good! I'm glad it turned out okay and that you enjoyed it! I've never made ladyfingers before, so I'm glad they held up to the espresso soak.
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I can't give you what you're asking of me.
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...and then he just jumps right into it, wow. It takes a second for her brain to realize what he means, and her cheeks turn a slight red as she processes. ]
What-- wait, why? There's no expectations or anything.
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Express your feelings for someone else. It's wasted on me.
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[ It's a valid question. She figured her shit out with Sonic, but Shadow? The only thing she can think of is that she's just too annoying. Granted, she can't make him want something that she wants, or that he feels isn't there, but it would still be nice to know so she can fix herself and be better. ]
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[ Granted, she does know Shadow well enough by now to know that he is, in fact, a loner. He's definitely made leaps and bounds since they first met, but. Still. ]
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What do you hope to have with someone else? A family? Children?
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But that silly fantasy is long gone now. So, she actually has to consider that question he's posed. ]
I... I don't really know, honestly.
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[ She glances aside and fidgets nervously. One of his plants is suddenly very interesting for a long few moments, before she turns her anxious gaze back on him. ]
I just want to be. With you. You're wonderful.
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Time might even flow differently for me from everyone else. [Does he age like the others? Or will he have to watch everyone grow old and eventually leave him. He looks in Amy's direction with a harden expression. Resolute in his decision.]
I may look like a hedgehog, but we're not the same. The happiness you're chasing doesn't exist with me. So find someone else who can provide it. [It's pointless to grow attachments for him. Unnecessary, even if he feels differently. It doesn't matter and has no place with him.]
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I don't want comfortable. If life was meant to be comfortable all the time, it wouldn't be worth living.
[ She shifts again, fiddling a bit with one of her gold bracelets. Not having kids sucks, but it's not a deal breaker for her. Mostly because she understands his concerns: he puts potential offspring before himself and his own wants, even now. It's bittersweet and endearing all at once. ]
I don't need kids. And I don't care about your bloodline, Shadow. You're still you. Hedgehog, Black Arms, it doesn't matter to me because I like you for you.
[ She looks back at him again, her shoulders dropping a little. ]
Would you at least give me one chance?
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Are you truly doing this for yourself, or for me? Eitherway, you're wasting your life on me, and I don't have the tolerance for someone who would foolishly do that. [Can she honestly still feel that way a month from now, a year? Why would she willingly limit her options? Why would he do that to her?]
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How could I be throwing my life, or anything away, when I genuinely care for you? I know what I want. But if you really don't want the same, I understand. I won't push it further.
[ Because at the end of the day, a relationship takes two. And if he doesn't want to, she can't make him. She learned the hard way what happens when you try to force something. ]
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You deserve better. I will not burden you.
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[ She sighs, feeling her ears droop. As much as she wants to grab him and shake him right now, what good would that do? ]
...Are my feelings really one sided? It's fine if they are. I just want to hear it from you.
[ Because honestly? She's still unsure if he is just trying to let her down easily because nothing is there, or if he does legit feel something for her amd he's trying to deny it. ]
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"I want you to be happy, Shadow."
The sound of water falling stops as he lifts the watering can.] ...And if I said it wasn't, what then? Would you continue to pursue this foolishness? Denying your chances with someone more suitable? Continue to ignore my warnings? [The grip on the watering can tightens.] These feelings, I can't stand them. [Never again, he can't go through all of that again.]
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Her eyes widen a fraction, though, at what he says next. She's glad he's not looking at her right now, because her breath catches ever so slightly in her throat as her brain works to process his words. ]
There is no one more suitable for me than you. [ Her voice os both gentle yet firm, and somehow she manages to keep ot even and steady, even as she feels her pulse quickening, heart slamming into her rib cage. ] Feelings aren't a bad thing... they don't make you weak or any less, I promise. And I'd never take them for granted, I can assure you.
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I'm not and never will be, not to you or to anyone! [He is the Ultimate Lifeform, beyond anyone's capabilities and understanding. Who couldn't even do the one thing he was created to do, cure one little girl. Incompatible. Failure. A fist slams on the desk.]
These feelings are nothing more than a nuisance I want gone. Why can't you understand that? [Attachments are unnecessary trouble he doesn't need. People can be managed when he can keep them at an arm's length. This?]
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So instead of leaning into them, you just want them to magically go away? [ She rubs her temples for a second. Somehow, this is almost way worse than unrequited feelings. Having someone you like admitting they also have feelings but don't care to indulge in them is mind boggling, but also... very Shadow-like. She sighs. ]
I can't understand that because I want the exact opposite of what you want. [ She takes a breath, and then shakes her head. ] But it doesn't matter what I want. If you want to ignore your feelings, as much as I don't understand it... I can't stop you.
[ And thay sucks because she wants to grab him and shake him until he understands. If only it were that easy. ]
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I will crush these feelings, so you can move on. [So she can stop inisting he's the only one for her, because she deserves better, because she matters to him.]
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